That means I am 46 years old today. It's all a downhill slide from here, right? I don't mean this as a negative, but rather downhill as coast and enjoy the ride.
As I sit here and think about my 46 years on this earth I think to myself about how I haven't accomplished anything great in my life...I am not the president, pope or an Indian chief. But then I have to think about everything in my life that has happened and how just being on this earth and being a happy person is quite an accomplishment and how blessed I am in my life. I have suffered much pain and sorrow in my life but it has also lead me to recognize true blessings that God has provided for me.
I was placed in foster care when I was a year and half old where I stayed for 4 years until I was adopted. Now some folks might see that as tragic. I see that as being blessed to have not only 1 but 3 families that love me! My foster home was a wonderful one and I have nothing but happy memories. One reason I never have had hard feelings about being in foster care and being adopted is that once I was adopted my mom told me "your mother didn't give you up because she didn't love you. She gave you up because she knew she couldn't care for you and she loved you enough to let go and let someone that could take care of you have you". When you think about it this way, well...isn't that the greatest sacrifice of love a parent can make? While it is hard to lose people in our lives I have learned that without feeling pain and sorrow we can never truly recognize sheer happiness and joy that others can bring into our lives.
When I was young I thought being successful as a woman meant you got
married young, had kids and raised your family. Well I blew that
completely out of the water! For years I thought I was never successful
since I hadn't been married. Most women in my family were married before
they were 25, okay usually before the age of 20, so by the time I was
30 I just knew I was a failure. By my mid 30's I knew that I was beyond the age that would produce a successful marriage. Once I was able to get passed the idea that a relationship determined the success of my life I was able to focus on basing my success on my accomplishments. By the time I was 30
I had obtained my Associates of Science, Bachelor's of Arts and
Master's of Science degrees. I had a child who was the age of 5 and
raised her completely on my own. It took me until I was in my 40's to recognize this and stop depending on the idea of some man on which to base my life success. So to all the men in my life that I have loved, here's to you *okie raises her coffee cup in tribute*, without you I would never know what the feeling of being in love is like. Some people only get to know once in there life what it is like to love, I have been blessed with knowing this feeling many times. And, lucky enough to experience the true "I would die for you" love 3 times in my life. The awesome thing is...I don't know if I will ever get married, but I still believe in love and believe it can happen again.
At the age of 46 I am blessed with not having one best friend but a number of BEST FRIENDS! Can I choose one and say that is my favorite? Of course not! Each one of these people hold a special place in my heart and have come from different experiences in my life. I have those that I have known from my college days, those that came within the last few years and those that fall in between. I can't imagine my life without my wonderful best friends. But not only do I have best friends I also have sooooo many friends! I am amazed sometimes when I think about the number of friends God has decided to bestow upon me!
I can't think about my blessings in my life without of course mentioning my daughter...who is also a curse at times, but aren't all kids? *okie figures if anyone thinks "no" then they are just lying to themselves*. It was having her and knowing I had to care for her that drove me to going as far with my education as I did. It was having her that motivated me to be a better person and let go of a lot of bitterness I had, but that is a whole notha' story! It is having her now that teaches me that no matter what I do, say or think I can NOT control another human being thinks, believes or chooses to do *but oh how okie wishes she could*. I wanted to raise her to be strong and independent so I never would have to worry if she could take care of herself, but I forgot to teach her "mom is always right". But I hold out hope that one day she will pick up on that on her own!
So while I might not have experienced what some people might consider HUGE success in my life I feel like I have the best success of all...LOVE AND HAPPINESS! So with that...I don't wish myself a Happy Birthday but instead...HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!